Knots
by bananagirl.97
Summary: Finnick and Katniss tie knots. It keeps them occupied; sometimes makes them forget. They talk and they tie, that's what they do. Right now, it's all they can. One-shot. Pretty angsty. Katniss and Finnick friendship with strong mentions of Odesta and subtle Everlark. Set during Mockingjay. Rated T for mentions of Finnick's past which is pretty grim and sad.


**Since Catching Fire came out this week and I have bought it and watched it repeatedly since then, it has strongly reinforced my love of the awesomeness that is Finnick Odair. So... I decided to write a quick one-shot because I think that he is such a beautifully crafted character. Also- he and Katniss are such bros and I love that. **

* * *

My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am 17 years old. I should be dead but I'm not. Instead I'm here in District 13. Peeta's in the Capitol. At least that's what they tell me. For all I know, he could be dead. Maybe that'd be better.

This is a routine for me. Every day, I put on these dreary grey District 13 clothes, I mourn for Peeta and I dwell on my pain. It won't make me feel better but at least I feel something.

I feel something when I'm with Finnick. It seems such a short time ago that I didn't trust him, but now he's like family. He has to be; he's one of the only ones who understand my pain. Haymitch misses Peeta too, I can tell, but I'm still too angry at him to forgive his mistakes. They're what got Peeta kidnapped. If only... There is no time for 'if only's. Instead, we sit there; Finnick and I, and we tie knots.

It calms me, the movement of my hands intricately detailing the ropes. The burn as my fingers pull it tight. I ask Finnick why we do this, to which he replies,

"Knots are like life. Some things we can untangle easily, whereas some tighten around us like a noose. Right now, this shit storm we're in... It's a pretty tight knot. But if every day, I keep practising tying and untying knots, it makes me feel like maybe, that maybe we can untie this knot on our lives."

I'm so astounded by his answer that I sit there in shock for a moment before pulling him closer for a hug. It's the only thing I can do to relieve his pain; to loosen the knot.

* * *

"What was she like? Before her games?" I ask him one day as we tie again.

He smiled a rare smile and his eyes glowed the same way Peeta's did when he painted. "Annie was smart, ridiculously so. Funny-everyone around town knew that if they wanted to smile she could arrange that. She flirted like she didn't even realise she was doing it," he laughed. "She was stubborn. God, she was stubborn. That's why I love her though. You know?"

I thought about it before slowly nodding. "I think I might just."

"Every day I think about it. The night I refused to go to the Capitol for my duties. I was in love with Annie and it seemed that I had slept with the entire Capitol but not her. It disgusted me. I basically told Snow he could do one. The next reaping... Her name was called. I had to mentor her through her games. I was 19 and stupid. Never even tried to resist the Capitol calls after that."

He sighed, and his hand hesitated pulling the knot, "We think that we're good at ropes, but we'll never be as good as them. They can tighten," he tightened his knot, "their knot on us whenever they want to."

Twenty- four seemed too young to sound as old Finnick did. That's what the Capitol do to you- they make every damn day feel like it lasts for years. Gone were the charming smiles and the flirting he shared before. Now they had Annie, they had his all. Although it sounds awful of me, I often found myself feeling jealous of Finnick. The conviction he had in his voice when he spoke of Annie. The tenderness... The love. I don't even know if I understand what love is. I know I'd do anything for Prim, or Gale, or Peeta; but how am I meant to know the difference between protectiveness and love?

* * *

Another day, I ask him about the first time the Capitol called. His face hardened; his hands froze over his rope. He sighed, before opening his mouth to talk.

"I was 16, fresh- faced, charming... Or so they said. I was at home in District Four, and had spent the day fishing. My father was rarely around after my games- he didn't know how to deal with it. I went for lunch with Mags then went home. Annie didn't finish school until four and we had agreed to go swimming together later. But I got home and the phone was ringing." He hesitated and I realised that his hands were shaking. I reached out to steady them.

"It was Snow himself. Said he had a way to put my good looks to use- a commission of sorts. He said that some Capitol citizens had 'paid an interest in a night in my company'" Finnick scoffed bitterly. "Within an hour I had been put on a train and sent to the Capitol. That night I lost my virginity to a 43 year old woman who had paid for the pleasure."

The look in his eyes as he turned to me was pure resentment. Finnick Odair was a broken clock, cogs turning out of synchronisation. I didn't mention his services again.

* * *

Instead, the next time we tie knots, I ask him about fishing. It seemed safe; something that reminded him of home, but wouldn't trigger any hate.

He laughed at my question. "You sure do ask the deep stuff, Katniss."

I shrugged. "Go on, I want to know."

He tells me about his childhood and how his Dad taught him to fish. He told me about the feeling of satisfaction he got when they ate the fish he had caught (which they had smuggled home.), he told about the fishing nets that Annie made for him before her games. At the mention of Annie, he choked and began to cry. And as bad as I was in social situations, I knew that the best thing for me to do was to take the rope off him, hold him close, and let him cry for all he had lost.

* * *

It's been a while since we last tied knots. We've been too busy anticipating the homecoming of our friends to sit. Today is the day of the rescue mission, and we both sit together, nervous to face Annie and Peeta.

"Are you scared?" Finnick asks me as my hands tremble over a knot.

I sigh woefully and nod.

He smiles at me but I see his nerves seeping through. He takes my knot and finishes it for me. It's what we do, hold on to the rope together and pull at the same time.

* * *

I look at him dance with Annie, his hands resting peacefully on her waist. I smile for him, even though tears rise to my eyes for me. His knots are finally coming loose, I think. But mine, mine restrain my breathing. They become as tight round my neck as Peeta's handcuffs on his wrists.

Knots are strange. If only I had scissors to cut these ones.

* * *

**There you have it. Hope it wasn't too hard core or disjointed! I will not know unless you review, so please do! :) Bg.97 xx**


End file.
